Parents & Coaches: Part 2
By: Fred Northup

At ABW we have learned that the biggest problem many coaches face is the parents.

Should parents talk to coaches? It all depends

1. Parents should always thank the coach for giving their time and energy to their kids. Parents should always ask the coach if there is any way they can assist the coach.

2. But, beyond that, the coach is the coach. If a child is having a problem, the parent can usually be a better parent in their child's development by helping the child deal with the issue, encouraging the child to deal directly with the problem, rather than the parent jumping in and trying to fix things.

3. Generally speaking, parents should not offer "helpful suggestions" to the coach about how to coach. Parents mean well, but the odds are that the coach has already discarded whatever idea is being advanced. It's always interesting how often parents on the sidelines believe they know more and better than the coach. It's better either to volunteer to be the coach or keep that wisdom to yourself.

4. Further, parents should not undermine the coach at home by pointing out to the child how much better things would be if the coach would follow their ideas. Parents should, in other words, support the team, and the coach is the leader of the team.

What if parents just can’t control themselves and have to speak to the coach?

1. When parents feel that they must speak to the coach, this should be done in a civilized way. For example, a parent could say to the coach, "I'd like to talk to you about something, when would be a good time for me to call or stop by?" Or, "I'd like to talk to you about something, could you give me a call later today or tomorrow?" Never try to have a serious conversation at the end of a game or when either of you is not able to focus.

2. Before "telling" the coach what you think, a parent should ask the coach what their view of the issue is. More often than not, if the parent listens to what the coach says, they will be surprised. That's because there are always two sides to an issue. It doesn't mean that the parent is "wrong" in their concern, but by listening first the parent shows respect for the coach and does not begin in an adversarial way. It's good to remember that both the parents and the coach have the same goals in mind.

3. A parent should never go over the head of the coach to an athletic director, principle, or league official without first speaking to the coach.

What other problems should parents be aware of?

1. Parents should be careful not to try to relive their careers, or have one they never had, in their children's lives.

2. Parents should not encourage their children to play on teams when the child really doesn't want to play.

3. Parents should help their child keep balance and proportion in their lives. Realistically, they can't play on every team, be in the play, have music lessons, and enjoy being a kid. Learning to make choices is a part of growing up.

4. Parents should help kids learn how to win and to lose. Both are a part of life.

5. Parents should talk about the Code for Living with their kids on a regular basis. Why is it important to play by the rules? What does it mean to give one's best effort? How can they be a positive influence on the team? What can their team contribute to the school or community?